Thursday, April 12, 2018

I'm not afraid to laugh

I have a bit of sensory overload this morning.

I have a story I have been writing and it's open in another tab. As much bravado as I put on in yesterday's dribble, I am catching myself editing, deleting, and considering not posting it at all.

Then I have this post open and dribble was only ever meant to be a priming of the spigot, not an actual thing.

Words... words... words... ah, okay, now they are coming and I can go work on something real.

But then twelve eleven people started reading on the regular and fuck me if I don't hear from them when I don't post something.

Today I have the second of the two songs I have been playing on a loop going. Coincidentally, Neil Finn is replacing what's his name in Fleetwood Mac. Not coincidentally, that won't make me like Fleetwood Mac.

Neil Finn wrote a song after seeing his dog chase a cat and almost get hit by a truck.

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!?!

That's the kind of talent that makes me want to punch someone in the face.

Taking an event like that and writing a deep song about the brevity and precariousness of life? Fuck you, Neil. Nobody needs to be that talented.

I don't know exactly why I have been obsessing over these same two songs for the last two-three weeks. I just know that when I head to the beach in a bit and go for my morning walk I will have Given to Fly and Anytime on a loop the entire time. Again.

The first night I went to the beach after getting home I plugged in my earbuds and cranked it as loud as I could. I talked to my dad about the tour, about my baby sister, about the things that have been weighing me down and the things that made me smile.

A dead man has more of me than anyone alive.

I dunno that that is healthy or sad or what.

Why these two songs, dad?

Because even when you can't find the words music can; something in you right now needs these words, mijo. 

I need these words. Even if I don't know why, something deep within me does.

I won't let go of the first clear moment I saw you

There's nothing safe about this life