Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Hey, look at me now

I hate when I write a thing I like and nobody reads it.

I suppose if I stick to music and times I fuck up the counter will shoot back up.

Fuckers.

I have been listening to the same two songs on a loop since getting home. I've also been learning them on my guitar. I don't think I've learned a new song in a year or two.

Given To Fly has become more important to me than any song since Elephant.

Funny thing is I had heard Given before. I knew the song on a superficial level. Then I was driving on tour a few weeks ago and it popped into my head while listening to a totally different, not Pearl Jam, song.

Siri, play Given to Fly

Turns out I have two different versions of it on my iTunes.

It was a particularly rough stretch of the tour for me for myriad reasons. I was feeling particularly beaten down emotionally. Mentally I was beyond spent.

It was a bad time and I was isolated.

A bad time nothing could save him
Alone in a corridor waiting locked out


So I drove. For hundreds, then thousands of miles. To Bellingham, WA of all places. And the sea. My salvation, the fucking Pacific Ocean.

He got up outta there ran for hundreds of miles
He made it to the ocean had a smoke in a tree
The wind rose up set him down on his knee


I stood there, cold and rained on. Sometimes the only thing you can do is breathe (a totally different PJ song, I know). Sometimes breathing is enough to hold the fragments together.

Yes, I cried.

Yes, I knew I would be okay.

I let the delicious melancholy run through me while Eddie sang in my ears.

well, fuckers, he still stands

Two ducks landed right in front of me and just seemed to stare at me. I dunno if they were hoping for bread but, I like to think the universe was just checking in on me. After a bit they swam away but, not too far. Twice they came back. The mallard cranked his neck to the side and just looked at me.

I'm okay little guy, really. Thank you. 

He shook his head and then his body and flew off. The lady duck followed.

And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved


Titty sprinkles


I told you there were two songs.