Monday, June 5, 2017

Another reminder: my brain is an asshole

I was watching Sliding Doors last night for the bajillionth time. John Hannah, yo. I love that motherfucker.

This morning I come downstairs to TGB home from another night shift and she tells me about the state of the world.

Essentially, five Arab nations are pissed at Qatar.

As I listen to her break it down, I think, is it weird to be so fucking glad you had cancer? Yeah, but fucking fuck, if you hadn't had cancer you'd be getting ready to deploy because of this fuckery. 

She really cannot retire fast enough.

Then I realized we have a fucking imbecile and his minions running this country and this shit has the potential to get stupid fast.

Since this is obviously a TGB-centric dribble lemme tell you a little thing.

A funny thing happened on the drive home yesterday.

I worked a little later than usual on the boat and knew that I was going to miss her before she headed to work. So I shot her a text and let her know (I'm a fucking considerate husband). When I got done doing my thing at work and got in my truck I saw that she had not responded.

She's probably getting ready for work, I thought.

Then, as I drove home, I caught myself glancing at my phone more than once. Did it light up and I missed it? I didn't hear the notification. 

Realizing the time I actually thought, maybe I will get to see her. 

But why isn't she responding to my text by now? Did she oversleep? 

Fuck, what if she didn't wake up at all? What if she had some horrible reaction to the meds she's taking? 

FUCKING TEXT ME, WOMAN!

You know, they'll blame you if she really did OD or whatever. You might want to find an alibi. 

I have one, I was at work all day. 

Were you? You could have done something to her drugs last night when you were home alone. 

Fuck! I didn't think about that! 

Oh look, there she goes driving by. 

*waves furiously as she passes*

She won't return your waves or your texts? Dude, she's leaving you. 

You know what? Go suck a bag of dicks!

You don't want to live in my brain.

Titty sprinkles!