If you choke on the bone, I am getting a new dog

Happy Black Friday, yo. Go spend all your money on shit that no one is going to care about in six months.

I have a very busy day ahead of me. Gotta work on Slagathor, gotta buy a Christmas tree, gotta eat leftovers.

I love when I wake up singing a song, hit shuffle all and it's the second song to play.

I've been sitting here for twenty minutes listening and every song I think, oohh, this is my favorite Dave Matthews song. I love music like that.

I have to poop. Hold please.

Much better. Suddenly, I am hungry. Weird.

I met Kirstie Alley after a DMB show once. Also, I was once so shitfaced after a DMB show I thought I met Kirstie Alley. One of those two sentences is true. They both may be true.

The best part of yesterday? No politics at our table.

A couple of begging dogs, though.

I hate begging dogs.

And really, (this is going to piss off TGB) it's only Dexter that begs. He's like a little homeless vagabond who, no matter how much you give that little fucker, is always all c'mon man, lemme have some!

I just gave you some!
What? Nah man, that was a long time ago in dog years, man!

Dude, you haven't finished chewing it.

*chews furiously* ahhhhh, see, nothing in there now, man! 

Why do you talk like a strung out hippie?

You're the one making up my voice in your head, man! Now gimme some of that delicious turkey. Leave the skin on, man or I'm gonna shit under your bed again.

Titty sprinkles!

My favorite song in the history of ever


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