Friday, September 16, 2016

Oh Zuulie, you nut

I love ball busting.

I tell people I hate something as banal as puns and I get inundated with them. It annoys and amuses me and let's me know that for a fraction of a second I crossed your mind. That last part makes me smile.

I tell football people their team sucks while knowing I haven't cheered for a winner sing the white guy ran the country and I get text messages from people all over the country telling me all about how my teams are choking like a girl gay someone giving her his their first blowjob. For a moment they aren't so far away.

So when I woke up yesterday to a message about, well, this...

I would pick Samantha, too.

... first thought was, I did something right marrying that girl. 

My second thought was, wait, is she leaving me? Do they know something I don't know?!?!?!

Then I remembered that I am awesome.

I don't know a lot about much, but one thing I feel fairly confident about is this: you should marry the person your friends and family want to spend time with without you. And if they tell you they would pick her in the divorce, just know you did something right. 

Then whine about it on social media so everyone else can tell you they love you, too they're just friends with you because of your wife.

Titty sprinkles!

Postscript: I've been with people my friends and family only tolerate. Don't do that. You aren't seeing something in her that nobody else does; your friends and family are seeing someone not worthy of you.