Monday, July 18, 2016

*insert kazoo solo*

I have to go pick up Lucy Liu.

I always wondered what my life would be like if I had to do things like pick up celebrities. But then I realized, I would be nothing more than a glorified bitch if I did that. Plus, I'd probably get stuck picking up some racist asshole like Mel Gibson after a night out.

No thanks. I prefer being Lucy Liu's bitch. At least she loves me.

*tolerates me
I need more coffee. I need to rewrite my screenplay. I need to find a jobbie job. I need to book some dates on the road for the fall.

Go fuck yourselves.

Titty sprinkles!


Postscript, my favorite moment in London was dancing to this song on stage with the prettiest girl in the joint as I sang it along with Frank into TGB's ear. Badly. Sorry, babe.