Monday, June 6, 2016

I Still Refuse to Fade

A special place I hold very dear burned to the ground yesterday.

I've done a lot of shows in a lot of places. Most I barely remember. I usually remember the places that are historic ie, The Comedy Store, Cine El Rey, even The Sunset Grill (yes, that very one). I also remember firsts. My first open mic (SJ Improv), my first paid gig, my first gig on the road, first time heckled, that sort of thing. The rest fade away into a lump of bars and faces.

The Trout Farm stands out for the challenge.

I cuss. A lot. Even on stage. Occasionally, I am asked to tone down the language. That's easy. If a comedian can't be funny without fuck he isn't a comedian, he's just a crass cunt.

I also do A LOT of adult themed stuff. Not cussing is one thing. Tossing out entire bits because they're about hookers or the sex talk from your gay uncle, well, I can run out of material pretty fast.

That brings me back to the challenge of the Trout Farm.

I was booked to headline a gig there.

I wasn't told until I showed up for the show that it was a family friendly show. That meant children.


There was a little bit of time before the show started and then a couple of openers before I took the stage. All told, I had about an hour to figure out how to take my Hard-R act down to a mild PG.

Challenge fucking accepted.

I ran outside and Googled kid friendly jokes. It isn't stealing if you admit up front that you had to Google kid jokes because you hate children and weren't expecting to see them tonight.

I found a couple that, later on, Kristen would tell me were the best jokes I have ever done. Then I got to work on my own material. How to water it down without losing the interest of the kids while simultaneously not losing the funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, Rudy Martinez!

*aww fuck* under my breath.

The stage is a blur of laughing children, angry gazes from a big bearded man, and sweet fucking relief when it was over.

I was told I was a child's second favorite comedian.

I found a bigger version of myself. If I am Medium Sized Rudy, he was Large Sized Rudy.

But mostly, I felt somewhat vindicated. It was the most challenging night of my comedic career and I felt I pulled it off.

Godspeed Trout Farm. I hope you come back better, and even more challenging than before.

Why did the Trout Farm burn down?
Titty sprinkles!

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