Thursday, May 26, 2016

We'll quit someday

It is officially bug season in Florida.

Ohio had Winter and Construction season.

Florida has Spring, Bug, Sticky, and Fall.

Bug season is my least favorite. My legs are already a bloody mess from the yellow flies. Yep, they literally make you bleed. But not before burning you. I am sure I have some mutated Zikabolaburgaria virus now.

I would show you pictures but, I know some of you read this while you poop and I don't want you vomiting all over your privates.

Sticky season is not much better and tends to overlap with all the other seasons. More than a few times I will take a step outside, find myself covered in sweat, turn right back around to the refuge of my air conditioning.

I've been working on new state mottos for Florida.

Florida, home of bugs, bears, and Bubba.

Florida, come for the sun, stay because you've melted into the fucking cement. 

Florida, it sucks and we know it but, stupid people come here anyway. 

I have to go walk the dogs. They beg me to let them shit in the garage. If I have to be miserable, those little fuckers do too!

Has Kacey ever wished you were there? No, she hasn't.

Titty sprinkles!

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