Monday, May 23, 2016

I won't die wondering

I am not smart.

You already suspected as much.

I missed the Krickets concert Thursday night because I thought it was Saturday night.

I shot a text to my best friend lamenting what a dumbass I am. By the time I hit send I had the thought, yeah, but, my wife doesn't have cancer.

That's a thing that happens a lot.

I suspect caretakers of people who fought the fight and won all have that sense of gratitude and perspective. Sure, missing a concert I have been looking forward to for months really sucks. But cancer sucks more. Going to the concert would have been awesome; my wife no longer having cancer, infinitely more so.

I think part of it might be that we're in that time of year when she was originally diagnosed. I don't remember the date. I just remember being on the road between I dunno where and Utah when I got the call.

But then again, I have that thought in the middle of November and even in March. Pretty much anytime I get bummed about a thing it is immediately followed by, yeah, but, my wife doesn't have cancer.

And I get that lump in my throat. A smile on my face. A glorious sense of fucking gratitude.

Titty sprinkles or whatever