Wednesday, April 13, 2016

I call it 'frisco just to annoy them

I miss my nine minute snooze. This nice, rounded five minute shit my phone gives me is crap. I want my missing four minutes! I miss being annoyed by the odd (weird) number and spending an inordinate amount of my day wondering why they can't just invent a ten minute snooze. I miss laying in bed letting my OCD contemplate laying there through ten snoozes for a nice round number.

Get in my face hole!

I like sleep is what I'm saying and these five minutes snooze buttons on cell phones suck.

You want to annoy people on the internet? Make a comment on a David Bowie picture about how awesome Tilda Swinton looks.

I was on the beach the other day making a toast for some people I met on a boat. I walked past a chick laying out in a bikini top. And pajama pants. Mexico Beach WalMart Beach, FL really is the Redneck Riviera. I was embarrassed for white people everywhere.

I have a lot of friends from San Francisco. I always feel bad for them. They're really insecure about not being LA so they project a lot. And Angelinos, we're too narcissistic to care. Plus, we just know we're better.

Case in point: I was driving through Europe as part of a convoy into Bosnia. Stopped in a little town somewhere outside of Srebernica. Some kids come out (16 and 11-ish) all excited about the Americans.

Blah, blah, blah... where are you from the kids asked.

Kansas

Ohio

Pennsylvania

California, I say.

Nobody else mattered to the two kids.

LA? 

Yep. 

Then we spent a half hour talking about California girls and LA women and television and movies and awesome weather and the Lakers and Laker girls and the Dodgers and Laker girls and earthquakes and Laker girls. 

Strange thing, they never asked about San Francisco. Nobody ever does. You know why? Because it has always been and will always be that other city in California.

 I dunno why I am in the mood I am in this morning.

Titty sprinkles!