Friday, March 4, 2016

This is why my wife thinks I'm crazy

I woke up giggling.

I was in the mob with Jason Jones and Nathan Fillion. We were dapper badasses. I was out alone one night when I ran into a couple of our enemies who stopped me to kill me. Bad guy (I am always the good guy, even in the mob) number one grabbed me by my shirt lapels and pulled a gun on me.

Keep your hands where I can see 'em and don't get no ideas!

I put my hands up slowly and as they reached neck level, my sleeve gun slides into my hand and I pop off three rounds into his head. His partner reacts by reaching for his own gun so I use his now dead pal as a shield to ward off his shots while firing off three rounds of my own into his face.

You never know when these guys might be wearing a vest so why chance it? 

I call Nathan and Jason to give them the lowdown and to get some assistance with disposal. They hurry on over and, in a stroke of genius, Nathan grabs a gob of blood off of one of the dead guys and smears it all over me. Then he takes dead guy number one's gun and fires it into the air.

What are you doing? I asked.

If the other mob guys find out you killed two of theirs, we're going to be neck deep in a war. Shut up and play dead while I get them to come over and maybe get us a ceasefire. 

They load the three of us dead guys into a van and call the other mob dudes.

The other mob dudes and dead guy's wife show up. She's a mess as they inspect the scene. Mob dudes load her back into the car as she breaks down. Then they talk with Nathan about it and come to a sort of arrangement to stop the killing.

Meanwhile Jason is in the back with the bodies tickling my balls when nobody is looking.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to play dead when your balls are getting tickled. Obviously, I reacted and, of course, grieving widow sees what she thinks is a dead guy giggling. Nathan and Jason reassure her and the other mob dudes that I am most assuredly dead, but Jason keeps his hand within testicular reach and whenever they look away he is reaching back tickling all while looking at them like they're batshit insane.

I couldn't take it anymore and broke out laughing.

And that is how I woke up this morning.

Titty sprinkles!


I miss my friend, Terry.