Look, dead people don't give a shit if you're at their funeral. They sure as fuck aren't there. So maybe, simmer down a bit.
And for the record, when I die you do not have to attend my funeral. If you do go, please don't wear black. Unless it's a slinky cocktail dress. Wear something festive and low cut! Dudes, come in daisy dukes and construction boots. And no fucking moping.
Also, I won't be there. Just know that now. Nope. Won't be peeking in from on high or wherever. Won't be keeping score of who was or wasn't there. I will be in death as I am in life: giving zero fucks.
Okay, I have to go now.