Saturday, February 20, 2016

You're a day late, dipshit

I forgot my best friend's birthday.

If it was either of you two, I wouldn't have cared. You're adults so I would have played Patton Oswalt's bit on birthdays and told you to suck it up.

But, to borrow from Forrest, Forrest Gump, Kris is my best good friend. She's been through some battles with me and has always had my back. She is my tribe, my family. She is one of the few people who get me. More than that, she has seen me at my worst and was one of the very few still standing beside me when I finally got my shit together.

And I fucking forgot her day of birth.

Because I am a narcissist who was busy doing my own thing all day and I just fucking forgot.

So the title of this post serves the purpose of reminding me next year when it shows up on my memories on FB that I have forgotten again, or, whew, I remembered this year!

Also, Kris, modest proposal - set up your gorram birthday on Facebook like the rest of everybody!

I know my birthday isn't on Facebook, but that's different. I remind everyone weeks in advance. Repeatedly. Duh.

In all seriousness, Kris, I am sorry I am such a terrible friend. I often wonder why you put up with me. But then I remember that you spend most of your time being really, really mean to me and no one else would ever put up with that shit so it all evens out.

If I should remember Kris's birthday next year, I will mark February 20 as the anniversary of the day Rudy fucked up.

Everyday is an anniversary of a time you fucked up, Kris is thinking (probably)

I told you she was mean.

Happy belated, Kris. I love you and I hope you go out and find some nice schlong to bounce up and down on tonight!