Sunday, January 17, 2016

You know it won't last too long

Remember when you used to run around the house not worried about things like bills and responsibility? And how, as you got just a little bit older, you couldn't wait to become an adult so no one could tell you what to do, how to live your life?

You were a fucking moron.

I am listening to Motley Crue's first album, slapping Lucy Liu's ass in time with Tommy Lee's high hat. She is not amused. Which song is not important. Every song on Too Fast features lots of high hat. Lots.

Night before last I let the monsters sleep in bed with me. Dexter crawled under the bed to sleep, Lucy Liu slept on the bed with me. It's a King but, she needs to sleep as close to inside me as possible, apparently.

At about 3 AM I woke to a ginormous dog face sniffing my wee human face.

Yeah, like that.
When I woke, she was bouncy as fuck. Sixty pounds of pure muscle wanting to play in the middle of the night when you are not even awake is ... in that moment I thought, fuck you Sarah McLachlan. 

The struggle is real.

I was glad to see the Cardinals win last night. Packers fans are annoyingly insufferable.

I was in Vegas at some bar/club waiting for TGB and Kris to get off that ferris wheel thingy they have there (I was invited. Nope, nope, nope!). Anyway, I came outside to get some air and the bouncer had his hands full with two drunk cheeseheads acting a fool.

Fat, pasty, sloppy drunk, midwestern beauts. Curly Lambeau would be proud.

Not far behind came TGB and Kris from the ferris wheel. First words out of TGB's mouth, oh my god, there were the most annoying Packers fans on the ferris wheel with us! 

What a coincidence, I said

That is a 100% true story.

Titty sprinkles!