Sunday, January 10, 2016

In the middle of the night...

I was sleeping nice and soundly when the noise came creeping in.

Don't you hate how everything always seems to be either/or with most people when really nothing is either or? 

So either it is either/or or it isn't? 

Shut up, asshole.

Can I just go back to sleep? 

Yeah, in a minute. 

For fuck sake. 

Suicide isn't always bad. 


I mean sometimes a dude is terminal and wants to go out on his terms. 


Sometimes it's tragic, like when someone with depression offs herself or a parent loses a child and can't cope with the grief and they decide not to wake up anymore. 

That's heartbreaking, definitely.

And sometimes it is plain fucking cowardice.

You mean like when the child molester offs himself rather than face his crimes?


Yeah, I hear ya. Can I sleep now? 

Guns is another example. 


I'm just saying no one is saying, 'let's take all the guns!'

Uh huh.

I mean, some people have said that, but nobody anyone is listening to.

Can I please go to sleep. 

Advocates of guns point to cases like the chick in Ohio who just shot three home invaders and say, 'guns are good!'


But, sometimes guns are bad in the home. Think about all the times a kid kills someone because a parent is too stupid to own a gun in the first place. 

I hear ya. 

You're not really listening.

No. I just want to go back to sleep. 

Your neighbor's dog is just going to wake you up in a minute.

It's 5:18 AM. The neighbor's dog isn't going to bark until the other neighbor takes her annoying little toy dogs out at 7:30 or so. 

Don't you wish she'd take her dogs through the front of her garage instead of the back where she sets off the other neighbors's dogs? 

What? Yeah. I think so. Whatever, I am so fucking sleepy. 

You should buy the house next door and rent it out to non-dog owners.


Squeeze your wife's boob!

She's sleeping.

So what! Roll up on top of her and take her!

She's sleeping and I want to live. 

Yeah, but you're getting a boner now. 

I hate you. 





Titty sprinkles!

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