Monday, December 21, 2015

You could sell your soul. I did, and look at me!

TGB arrived home safely sometime in the middle of the night last night. I came downstairs around 2AM and she was here with gifts!

I miss you, too. You beautiful, bald, boy, Ben. 
One of my favorite things about 2015 has been a girl named Lucy Liu.

WHAT?!?! When'd you get here, mister?
When we closed on our house I started angling for a new friend for Dexter. Mostly, I wanted a real dog. Dexter is adorable and all but, I want a dog I can rough house with. A dog I don't have to use words like dainty to describe. I only had two rules: I wanted a dog that was going to be put down without us taking him/her, and the dog had to get along with Dexter. That was it.

Who can't get along with this face?
We talked about it awhile. We were actually talking about it at a local restaurant when our waitress interrupted.

I apologize if this is rude, but I overheard you talking about wanting to rescue a dog and I volunteer at the local Humane Society and I think I might know a dog you might like.

I told her she wasn't rude and explained my two rules. She got a little excited as she told us about a girl named Gardenia. She apologized for the shitty name but, explained they get so many dogs that they run out of names quickly.

When dogs look a certain way they automatically get discounted by most people. Gardenia Lucy Liu had the misfortune of looking too pitbull-ish for most people. She's likely a mix of American Bully, Boxer, Awesomeness. She sat in the shelter for six months because people wouldn't even bother with her because of how she looks and the unwarranted reputation that comes with pibbles.
Aside: I have spent a lot of my life around pibbles. The reputation they have for being vicious is complete bullshit. Like most good things in this world that get turned to shit, it is the human element that takes a beautiful dog like a pibble and turns it into a monster. People are the problem, not pibbles. 
We took Dexter to the Humane Society and asked them to bring out Gardenia Lucy Liu.

HI! I'm terribly scary! 
We should warn you, she does not like men. 

As long as she likes Dexter. Have you really had her for six months? 

Yeah, at least that. She's been scheduled to be put down four times but, the volunteers always save her. I dunno how many more times they can do that. 

They brought a shy girl into the fenced off yard to greet TGB, me, and Dexter. Her and Dexter got along right off the bat. That was a good sign.

Dexter is very much TGB's dog. I may just be reading things into this but, Lucy Liu seemed to know that so she gravitated towards me. This surprised the staff. It made me happy.

Lucy Liu picked me.

I may or may not have welled up a little as I typed that last sentence.

All of my life I have had dogs. I like dogs. Much better than cats. But they have always been just dogs to me. They aren't four legged people. They aren't family members, they are pets.

But then Lucy Liu comes into my life and I find myself abnormally attached to a stupid dog.

Every dribble I write.
We brought her home for a two week foster just to be sure but, I knew. And the one time she gave me a reason to reconsider, I was sick in my heart for a week. I'll spare you the details, but there was one moment when she did something that made me think she can't stay. Turns out, she's Dexter's and he is hers so it's best not to mess with Dexter. I am more than okay with that.

So now I have this 54 pound lap dog who I probably dote on more than I do my own wife. I know, bad form.

She snores, she farts, she breathes like she has emphysema, her breath stinks, she sheds like a motherfucker, she waits for me outside the door of any room I go into, she sits on the landing waiting for me to get home any time I am away, she needs to stay physically attached to me whenever I am chilling, she loves me more than she loves anyone else in this world. It's as disgusting as she is.

Fun thing to do with a dog named Lucy who looks like a pibble. Call her Lucifer in public.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, LUCIFER!!!

Then watch the old people gather their things and back away.

I love this fucking dog.
Titty sprinkles!