Sunday, October 4, 2015

Hey Boris, you're not invited

I feel like I owe my UK friends an apology. I'm sorry for the mass shootings we have every time you visit. I'm sorry for the shitty football we send to your country. Neither of those things are going to change.

I promised a story to someone today. Today is not over so calm your tits, Becca.

Sometime today you will have your damn story
I've been singing this as I sit here typing:


I'm also kinda dancing in my chair. I hate cats, but I love cat party songs. Well, just the one.

I am sad that my sister is getting married the one day that Koo Koo is opening for Frank Turner. Get married in Vegas like an adult.

Is it too early to say the Browns and Chargers will be playing for the #1 overall pick in the draft today? Can I call the game the Joey Bosa Bowl?

I'm calling it the Joey Bosa Bowl.

When I was a kid, before I liked boobs, I would play a lot of street football. I smelled like a boy. Then one day I got a boner. I stopped playing street football. Wait, the boner wasn't related to playing street football. Nevermind.

Titty whatevers.