Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Tarts mutter their dream hopes

If you're more upset over e-mails than you are over 4,800 dead US Service Members sent to die because of a lie, you are a part of the problem. And if you think a racist asshat like the Donald is a better alternative, please don't breed.

I need coffee.

The irony of having English friends is that they always seem to fuck up the English language.

I have to do a lot of manly shit this week. Sanding, painting, staining, hammering. My dick is swelling just thinking about it all.

I giggle every single time.
Tom Waits makes shitty mornings tolerable.

And really, this morning only sucks because I woke up to the Donald. How has any woman ever thought waking up to that is a good idea? Gross. Think about what that growth on his cranium must look like first thing in the morning. Think about those beady little eyes, that scowl, that pasty white flab he calls an ass... are you thinking about it? Did you throw up a little in your mouth?

Now go back to your man and give him the blowjob of a lifetime as a thank you for not being the Donald.

If even one man gets a blowjob as a result of this post, I will have made the world a better place.