Monday, June 15, 2015

Greed is good

People always say, we should buy lottery tickets as if that's a thing that should be some sort of communal event. I usually nod and smile while I plot the ways I will have to kill them in the event we should win.

Living on the Gulf and having access to boats makes that a lot easier, by the way.

So yesterday when I received a winning lottery ticket in the mail from a friend I was shocked.

In case you thought I was lying
It doesn't change my mind about killing any of you who have ever suggested buying a lottery ticket with me and splitting the winnings. You will still end up in bits as shark chum.

Now that I am a dollaraire, I am going to use my winnings to buy a swanky cup of coffee at the local coffee shop. I'll give the change to a homeless person. I'm a fucking altruist.