Thursday, May 21, 2015

*pithy Bill Withers lyric*

Horseflies are a thing. I had only ever heard rumors and seen cartoons of such things. Yesterday one drew blood from my neighbor. I don't think I will be going outside anymore. Fuck you, Florida.

I wish I could sing. I'm listening to Bill Withers and I can imagine panties and manties alike getting soaked. Mine are.

I woke up with one eye almost sealed shut from eye boogies. It left me with a sense of gratitude for all that porn actresses put themselves through for us.

My kind of time waster: Just keep hitting refresh.
I started working out two days ago. When we get back to Cabana 18 my wife is going to say things like, yep, I hit that. 

Another oil spill in California. Five years later and dolphins are dying here on the Gulf Coast as a result of the BP oil spill. It's your kids inheriting this shitty, used up planet, not mine.

Of course, if global warming climate change could move a little faster I could have beachfront property soon. So screw your kids.

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