Then she showed up and has continued to do so ever since. Again, I will spare the details, but I challenged her that if she was to be a part of my life, she was going to have to do the work. Nine years later she still does.
And while there has been a level of forgiveness, there is no erasing what has been. There is no going back and raising your son, no bonding that leads to that intimate mother-son relationships I once envied.
We get along and I love her enough, but even now there's a buffer between her and that part of me that she abandoned long ago. It isn't sad, it just is what it is.
As I laid awake last night digesting what I'd read, I thought about my life the last couple of weeks. Somehow I managed to spend that time surrounded by some of the strongest, most interesting women on the planet. A mind-numbingly creative and talented woman, a headstrong woman hell-bent on making this life her own, a woman who has travelled halfway around the world to help earthquake and actually speaks fucking SWAHILI (seriously, who does that?), and the most badass woman I know, The Gorgeous Blonde herself. Each of whom have made me think, I want to be you when I grow up at different times in the last couple of weeks.
But then I remembered, growing up is for suckers.
I could actually write an entire dribble for each of them and not run out of things to say about them.
There isn't really a point to any of this.