Saturday, March 28, 2015

Still no end in sight though I travelled far and wide

What's your favorite thing about being alive?

That was the question I woke up thinking this morning. In my sleepy haze I thought of Dana Whitaker's great revelation after watching The Lion King on Broadway -

did you know we could do that?

That being create breathtaking beauty that makes one glad to be alive in that very moment.

I have had many of those. Moments when I am so proud to be a member of the human species, so grateful I am alive at a time when I get to see us reach such great heights.

But then that little voice asked again, is that really your favorite thing about being alive?

Then I thought about the smaller moments that mean so much. The moments spent with friends new and old. Moments I give myself to completely.

Moments like that are more rare than I realized. Think about it. How often are you ever giving yourself to a moment so completely that the entire world fades away? Even on the cruise there was a part of my brain occupied by TGB's upcoming surgery. That's one of those nasty side effects of cancer - it infects the mind, not just the body.

I'm getting off track.

There are moments sprinkled throughout my life when I think, there was nothing else in the world at that particular moment except what was going on right there. Sometimes taking those moments out and looking back at them can even be too much to handle. I spent the last ten minutes staring outside thinking about many of those moments of my own and returned to the keyboard with what appears to be a small leakage problem in the vicinity of my ocular cavity.

As I laid there thinking it must be those small moments in between the mundane I heard that fucking nagging again, what is your favorite thing about being alive?

Again, there is not going to be any huge revelation here. I'm just thinking out loud. I don't know what my favorite thing is about being alive. I laid there frustrated, grabbed my phone to check FB, laughed at some things friends posted, heard Lucy Liu stirring in her kennel, watched TGB roll over and smiled to myself.

In the quiet hours she comes
Taking me towards my life
There's something about that face
When I wake up
It makes everything alright
Fuck me, I need coffee.

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