Monday, February 23, 2015

Sorry I forgot to mention Joan Rivers

I saw Guardians of the Galaxy the other day. I expected to hate it on par with Avatartheworstmovieevermade. I actually loved it. I mean, like in the I'm really excited to see the next one love.

This right here would have made that crapfest at least tolerable.
However, I cannot hear Milk without hearing Shirley Manson sing:

I am Groot

So fuck you, Hollywood.

Sometimes I wish I had a kid for one reason and one reason alone: to fuck that kid up. I would home school the shit out of that little bastard and teach him made up shit just to set him free on the world as an adult.

Daddy, why is the ocean blue?

Well son, you see that blue thingy we have in the toilet? 

Yes.

That's there to clean it. Long before man ever existed, the dinosaurs used the ocean as their toilet and knew they'd need to keep it clean so...

Wow.

Yep. Now it's time for science class so let's talk about the invisible vat of pasta in the sky using his noodles to touch you in your sleep.