Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Some sweet day

It's colder than a witch's tit out there!
I don't understand that phrase. I mean, how cold is a witch's tit? A witch spends all their time around a boiling cauldron, how cold can they really be? And why a witch's tit specifically? And why specifically one tit? Why not vampire's tit or tits? A vampire would have no circulation on account of no blood, right? And as someone who has lost circulation in more than one limb at this advanced age I can tell you that said limb gets cold to the touch.

This post did not start out as an excuse to post a Kate Beckinsale picture, I swear. 
My dad died eight years ago today. I was in Jupiter, FL at the time. He died during the Chargers game (their greatest comeback against the Broncos in Denver, btw). I turned my phone off before kickoff. I left my phone off the rest of the night. I said, if there's an emergency, I won't be able to do anything about it and if someone dies they won't be any less dead tomorrow. Yep, I really said that. I still say it when I unplug from the world.

When I was in junior high school the space shuttle blew up. It was carrying Christy McAuliffe (a jr high teacher) so during homeroom we all gathered around the tv to watch the launch. Some kid (not me) made a joke about it blowing up. It did. That kid was inconsolable. He was a fucking wreck.

I told my dad about that kid when I got home. He told me that the kid had nothing to do with the shuttle blowing up. He told me that no one is so powerful that they can say a thing and that thing will happen; that the shuttle would have blown up whether that kid made a joke or not because he had nothing whatsoever to do with it. He ended by saying, only a lazy ass would think you could make something happen without actually getting off your ass and doing some work. 

I miss my dad.

Aren't you glad I started with Kate?


Even though it's colder than Kate's tit, I am taking my coffee to you know where.