Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Come back sometime when it's not Tuesday

When I was a kid I had a violent temper. Not like a temper tantrum type temper, but a redrum type temper.

Loosely based on me. #TrueStory
When I was in preschool a kid took my tricycle. Mind you, it wasn't mine in the legal sense; it was the property of the school. However, it was mine, and everyone knew it, because I was the only one who rode this particular, red-handled, tricycle.

One day some dipshit little Mexican kid decided to ride it. I was not pleased.

Four year old me asked him to politely get the fuck off of my tricycle. He pretended not to understand English or some such bullshit. I asked a teacher to get him off of my fucking tricycle. She blathered on about sharing. Fucking socialist.

I decided I had to do something about this. I yanked him off my tricycle. He ended up on the ground so, for good measure, I kicked him square in the face.

I wore cowboy boots with silver tips. His eyeball did not win that battle.

I was kicked out of preschool.

Unlike the little picture caption, all of the above is 100% true.

Enjoy your Tuesday.