Saturday, August 2, 2014

Keep on with the force, don't stop

Last night I took in a Dodgers game.

Proof! (Yeah, I sit in the club seats, not with the riff-raff)
I have to preface this with: I stopped watching baseball over a decade ago. Steroids, strikes, lockouts, more steroids was all it took for to say yeah, I'm pretty much done with this shit.

That said, last night's game was one of the most bizarre displays of professional athleticism I have ever seen. I've seen it pretty regularly on tee-ball fields, but never on a Major League Baseball field.

First, the Cubs did Cub-esque things like forget how baseball mitts work which turned a simple double-play into a holy shit, the Dodgers are gonna score two runs!

That is, until Adrian Gonzalez decided fuck it, I just need to be around the home plate area rather than, you know, touch home plate and promptly got called out. But at least he looked thoroughly confused about the whole process.

From that moment on the Dodgers became the worst team in baseball for a night.

They hemorrhaged runs, but were fortunate enough to have one guy who showed up to play.

Photo Credit: Rudy Martinez
I'm not with those guys.
The other eight guys? Not so much.

Between one guy getting thrown out at first base from RIGHT FIELD!

Photo Credit: Rudy Martinez
Always remember: remove head from ass before running to first base.
To a third baseman forgetting how force outs work, to pitchers throwing shit I could hit, to catchers not, well, catching, the Doyers looked turrible.

Photo Credit: Rudy Martinez
The Dude, the best pitcher of the night. #TrueStory 
But at least we had fireworks.