Saturday, August 23, 2014

Don't go away mad, just go away

Did you know malls are like, still a thing? Like, oh my god they totally are!

Anyway, I spent the better part of the day in one yesterday. And while there was no gagging with a spoon, or big haired Shannon Dohertys, there was a food court full of screaming, fuckface kids and kiosks.

I had Resting Bitch Face before it was cool. Also, I am a total bitch.

 Kiosks for days. I want a kiosk in my living room. And bored, underqualified teen to run it. I want to get excited as I get closer then ask, can I help you? As I answer, yeah, can you throw this away for me? Then watch him deflate.

Anyway, T-Mobile sucks so I spent my day visiting all the phone providers and ended up with a sweet new phone and plan. Verizon cupped the step-children and used ample saliva. Always a good thing. 

This one goes out to T-Mobile:

Remember when Motley Crue wasn't a corporate shill? Now they do Kia and Dodge commercials. My childhood was a joke.

Hope you're hungover reading this.