Tuesday, July 8, 2014

For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

I turn on the tv this morning and BOOM, Tabatha's Salon Takeover is on and I am happy. I blame the Gorgeous Blonde for my love of all things tall and blonde.

Strictly gratuitous? Yeah, probably.
Me: I love Tabatha Coffey! 
Gay friends: Sorry about your luck, she's a lesbian. You have no shot.
Me: If she wasn't she would totally want me. Just look at Marisa Miller all up in my shit. Dumbass. 


I love Freddie Mercury. In fact, he was one of the first people I ever wanted to be when I was a kid.

Not Freddie you say? Talia Shire's progeny you say?

Me: I love Freddie Mercury; I wanted to be him when I was a kid.
Straight Friends: You wanted to be a fag? 
Me:  I want to be the greatest frontman in the history of music. If I wanted to take a dick in my ass I would have said I want to be your mom. Dumbass.

Fuck your autotune, your beliebers, your Adam Lambert.

The lesson, boys and girls, is that stupid is not unique to any sexual orientation (or religion, color, height, weight, nationality, gender, penis or breast size).

Tabatha just made two grown women cry. That is so fucking hot. If she wasn't a lesbian...

Coffey time. (See what I did there?)