I would like to thank the Academy...er... The Chive for including my words along side greats like Gandhi, Buddha, and that duck from Reddit. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry. I also have to thank my wife for reminding me that I make her wish she was a lesbian. Last, but not least, I have to thank Marty Scorsese for letting me call him 'Marty' to inflate my own sense of self-worth.
I watched a shitty Brad Pitt movie last night. It's one saving grace was the closing monologue about Thomas Jefferson being a twat. It got me thinking about my conservative friends (yeah, I can't believe I have those either) and their glamorization of the Founding Fathers of this great mistake... experiment.
In short, we were founded by a bunch of rich white dudes who thought it was okay to own human beings, considered women chattel, and the poor unworthy of representation. For fuck's sake, you had to be 1.a white, wealthy male, and 2. a land owner to count as a citizen to those dudes.
At least they were smart enough to keep Jesus out of the fuckinng Constitution.
It's a weird thing, suicide. It's like you decide, okay, this is where my story ends. And then the rest of the world you built get...
A lot of you have asked what happened that made me want to drink during the tour. Well, I didn't want to write about it because I didn...